Torts & Tots

Motherhood. Lawyer-dom. And maybe a few nice recipes.

Archive for September 2013

The Truth About Girls.

leave a comment »


When I tell people I have two girls, I get lots of comments along the lines of “girls are so sweet,” “you must have such fun with all the girly stuff,” etc.  And, it’s true.  I love having two girls.  I dress them up, we have tea parties, pinkness abounds.  But, I must confess, that at the end of the day, girls are gross, too.  Some more than others (cough, cough, Claire).  For the benefit of my genteel readers, I try to avoid stories about poop.  But tonight, I break that rule.  Don’t worry – it’s not graphic.  Except the part about boogers. 

To be honest, this blog post is really more of an open letter to Claire.  Just in case she’s thinking about making some changes around here, I have two suggestions.

First, Claire and I have fallen into an annoying pattern in the car.  We’re driving along, somewhat serenely listening to Mary Poppins, when Claire starts chanting “mamma” until I look at her.  I look at her, she holds out her finger and says “booger.”  At first, I was not sure what was happening, but, from painful experience, I have learned that she is actually holding a booger on her finger, and she would like me to take it.  After all, aren’t mothers full service?  If I ignore her, she continues to chant my name, with the occasional “booger” peppered in.  If I take the booger (hypothetically, of course), it quickly snowballs as another booger quickly pops up to take that one’s place.  We call this “the Booger Dilemma.”  You think you have problems.

Second, Claire is starting to potty train, which has introduced a slew of new vocabulary.  Apparently, two-year-olds are not aware that bathroom vocab has limited acceptable uses.  My least favorite use of her new vocab is as follows.  About 99% of the time when I use the bathroom, Claire is with me.  It used to be fine (as fine as it can be to use the bathroom with someone’s hand on your knee), but now Claire stands in the bathroom and loudly exclaims “poopin'” the entire time.  Yes, including in restaurant bathrooms, mall bathrooms, etc.  One time, I tried to quietly reason with her, but that only makes her turn up the volume.  Now, at least at home, I shut her out of the bathroom, so she stands directly outside the door shrieking “poopin’.”  It’s a good thing I find Claire super cute.

So, in summation, girls come with a lot of poop and boogers just like everyone else.  See, that wasn’t so bad?


Written by tortsandtots

September 16, 2013 at 9:08 pm

Posted in Uncategorized