Torts & Tots

Motherhood. Lawyer-dom. And maybe a few nice recipes.

Monday Confessional.

with 4 comments

I feel like maybe I have done a terrible thing.  One thing I don’t like is mothers who act like they are perfect – perfectly behaved kids, perfectly clean house, perfectly prepared meals, perfectly managed work/family balance.  Perfect, perfect, perfect.  Cue nausea.  And, yes, I am aware that the reason I don’t like perfect mothers is because they make me feel inadequate.  But as I was waxing poetic about CCS in my last blog post, it dawned on me that perhaps I was projecting “perfect” to the world.  It’s so much easier to tell people about the happy stuff.  Don’t we all go out of our way to avoid whiners?  I personally block extra-whiney people from my facebook feed and unfollow them on twitter.  Plus, I, at least, want people to think I’m great.  On the other hand, I don’t think it is fair to other mothers to project perfect.  I have a handful of friends on the verge of motherhood and another handful considering motherhood.  I never want anyone to read my blog and feel inadequate.  So, here is my Monday confession.

First, I am not the perfect wife and mother.  I get snappy with my children (fine, and my husband), I order takeout instead of cooking, and I don’t do my children’s laundry until they are out of clean pajamas.  I have said things to Avery along the lines of  “can you please not say my name anymore?”  And, if you saw my house right now, you would think that I had given up cleaning for Lent, except I observe Lent year-round.

Second, I do not have perfectly behaved children.  As a threshold matter, my children are high-maintenance.  They are happy, they are sweet, but they are high-maintenance.  And, I have made them that way.  They both want my constant presence and attention.  I haven’t gone to the bathroom by myself in years.  In addition, Avery is a drama queen, crying because she is a princess without a castle.  Claire fake cries when I leave the room.  Avery negotiates with me over every decision and command I deliver, including how many more bites of dinner she has to eat.  

Third, I think being a mother is hard.  The blog frequently assumes a rose-tinged tone.  That is because I love my children more than anything.  That being said, I don’t often mention that I am emotionally drained at the end of day after tending to every whim of two, tiny girls.  I frequently neglect numerous aspects of my life.  Finding a time to exercise seems like it requires an act of Congress, and I try to squeeze my job into the hours when my children are sleeping.  I have friends who are waiting for a call-back from a phone message left in 2008.  I pour myself into other people and sometimes wonder who is looking after me?

My basic point is that my life, like everyone’s life, has its ups and downs.  Although the point of this particular blog post is to highlight the downsides, for the sake of motherhood, I must tell you that, even on my most exhausting day, I forget about every bad thing when I watch Avery and Claire giggle and hide in my closet.  The angst I feel over Avery having thrown what I like to call a “kicky fit” over not getting her way is erased with a sticky kiss from a four-year-old with fruit snack breath.  Even after Claire has been whiney all day, I feel content as I give her a bottle and inhale her baby smell.  When I reflect upon the days, weeks, months, years I’ve had with these girls, I have to strain to remember the things they’ve done to make me mad, and the source of particular stresses is hard to remember.  But I can spout off five things Avery has done to make me laugh just today in sixty seconds, and Claire keeps my heart in a constant state of mushy.  Motherhood is a mixed bag, but for me all the imperfections seem to fade away.

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Written by tortsandtots

September 24, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

4 Responses

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  1. Thanks you Jaimie! I feel the same way. I keep my blog as a scrapbook for my kids to have someday. Yet, I feel like things on there always look so happy (and exciting, as I feel pressure to not miss out documenting a single activity. Ridiculous, I know). But just like you said, you don’t want to come off as a complainer or drama queen (because no one likes that!). Such the delemma….

    Jennifer

    September 24, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    • Jennifer – I love your blog and think it’s a very realistic look at life with kids. You never complain, but you always include the funny and crazy stuff your kids do!

      tortsandtots

      September 25, 2012 at 8:54 am

  2. Oh thank GOODNESS you like messy houses and ill-behaved children. This bodes well for our friendship 🙂

    Rita Ortloff

    September 25, 2012 at 8:22 am

    • Hmmm, I’m not sure I’ve met these ill-behaved children you reference. I have met your children who seem to be the sweetest and loveliest kids ever! And even say “thank you” without prompting. Gasp.

      tortsandtots

      September 25, 2012 at 8:55 am


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