Torts & Tots

Motherhood. Lawyer-dom. And maybe a few nice recipes.


with 3 comments

Sometimes, I am in awe of other parents.  I hear their kids ask them questions, and the perfect and appropriate parent answer comes rolling right out.  Sometimes, I feel like I am just masquerading as an adult and am truly just a kid myself and then in turn feel terrified that my children will discover the truth about me.  The number one cause of this feeling is when Avery Jane says something to me, and I have no idea what to say in response.  An additional wrinkle is that, whatever I say, I must be prepared for Avery to repeat it to other people verbatim and quote me as her source.  And I’m sure all those people have the phone number for Child Protective Services memorized.

Here are a few zingers AJS has thrown my way lately.  Although I have answered all these, convincing her as to my way of thinking is totally another issue. 

  • The boys at the playground told me I couldn’t play with them because they hate girls.  So maybe I should hate them, too.  Why do they hate girls?  Nothing is sadder than hearing your almost-four-year-old use the word hate in reference to people.  In reference to food, been hearing it for years. 
  • Mommy, you’re the boss at home, but someday I’m going to grow up and live in a house with stairs and then I’ll be the boss of my babies and probably of Claire, too.
  • Shouldn’t we tell that lady over there not to pick her nose at the grocery store?
  • Where was Claire when I was a baby living in your tummy, Mommy?
  • Tomorrow, could I be the boss of Claire for a little bit?  Are you sensing a theme?
  • Why does her mommy let her kick and scream at restaurants?  Oh the injustice.
  • [In reference to the toys at Target] Are all these toys sad since no one is playing with them?  I’m sure she had her ideas about how to remedy that one.
  • When our cat, Sam, is finished living in heaven, can she come back and live with us if I promise to be nice to her?  Tear.

And then, of course, there’s my favorite from last week.  I walk into her room after her nap, and she’s sitting on the edge of her bed with actual tears in her eyes.  When I ask her what’s wrong, she says “I’m a princess without a castle.”  She then proceeds to try to shake me down for a bouncy castle like the one she had for her birthday last year.  Sometimes I wonder whether she’s an almost four-year-old flying by the seat of her pants or if she’s a genius negotiator.

Seriously, is there a parent handbook somewhere I can read?


Written by tortsandtots

August 21, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

3 Responses

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  1. I like that Avery thinks big. Why not her own house? Her own babies? And, while she’s at it, why not Claire? No reason to limit your span of power when you are dreaming about all the possibilities that the future holds.

    On a separate note, I am pretty sure that there is no parent handbook. Especially not where small, genius negotiators are involved.


    August 21, 2012 at 2:37 pm

  2. I’m on A’s side. Why can’t she be the boss of Claire? At least for a day? Will she get drunk off of the power?

    a gar

    August 22, 2012 at 9:17 am

  3. Clearly you guys aren’t fully understanding Avery. She’s constantly trying to expand what she’s in-charge of. One hour of being the boss of Claire, and she would 100% declare herself the supreme ruler of the universe.


    August 29, 2012 at 8:30 am

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